Genesis 6

12 And the Lord said: “Behold, I shall send a flood over the land, for I am sore weary of this gay marriage thing.

13 Not really.  It’s clearly nothing to do with that, it’s about climate change, though verily that shalt be denied by he who they call the Environment Secretary, for he shall say the badgers did move the goalposts.”

14 And the Lord did go out to a man who they called David of the Camerons, from the Land of Eton, who the people did call No-ideah, for  more often than not he had no idea what to do.

15 And the Lord said unto No-ideah: “Build thee an ark of gopher wood.  Actually, scratch that.  Just spend thee thy days saying thou hast been meeting with Cobra, which doth sound macho but meaneth nothing, while the floods do rise upon the land of the Levels.

16 Visit them not for 40 days and 40 nights, but allow thy briefers to blame the Environment Agency till the cuts do start to be mentioned and the man they call Pickles doth blunder.

17 And thou shalt wait until the floods do fall upon the lands of the Shires, yea, even unto the playing fields of Eton where the gym becometh waterlogged.

18 And only then, finally, shalt thou try and get a grip and shalt say: ‘enough of the blame!’ (for though realiseth thou is getting the blame thouself, thou and not the Environment Agency).

19 ‘Behold,’ thou shalt say, ‘austerity is over! I do suddenly overflow with money so that you may see me as leaderly and not turn your votes away from me’.  And there shall be no mention of the cuts that thou in thy foolishness has imposed on the Environment Agency which has basically caused this mayhem”

20 Thus spoke the Lord.  And through all the floods, George Osborne was never seen in the land.*

So endeth the lesson with additional food for thought…

… from think Defence.

*Received via email

Prior to the building of the bridge, those wishing to cross the River Tweed between Horncliffe on the English side and Paxton on the Scottish side would have to negotiate the New Water Ford.  This could be quite dangerous, especially if there had been a flood or it was high tide.  As industrialisation took hold there was a growing demand to transport coal and lime from north Northumberland into Berwickshire which made it necessary to bridge the river.

The bridge was designed by Captain Samuel Brown, he used a revolutionary technique to suspend the deck using iron bars instead of cables.

A Grand Opening

We take easy transport for granted, but in 1820 a round trip to the other side could take days.   So the opening of the bridge was cause for a celebration.

On the big day, an excited audience gathered, cramming the river banks on both sides.  Captain Brown raced across the bridge first in an open topped carriage, cheering and waving.  He was followed by a dozen heavily laden carts to prove the strength of the bridge.

With the bridge tested to their satisfaction, hundreds of spectators flooded through the toll gates, marvelling at their new crossing.*

It is still possible for vehicles to cross the bridge, but only one vehicle at a time is allowed.

*Information taken from a plaque by the bridge.